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Phase Transition

I read in a book on Buddhism that the mind undergoes epiphanic phase transitions as your meditation practice deepens. Some practitioners call it a gap of consciousness, and it is also referred to as insight.

Although there are multiple names for it, a phase transition brings one closer to true happiness. It is a mental state of true contentment with the arising and ceasing of experience. With all the difficulties we drudge through, the tools learned in books on meditation from either an Indian or Tibetan perspective are a necessity. One way or another a person will use similar tools to keep composure as they hit boundaries, and press against inevitable trivialities.  A person who organically uses similar tools should know they can be strengthened and sharpened like a carpenters chisel. It dulls when used, and rusts when not. But the workmanship is finer and more pristine as it ages. This is why aged skill is so closely attributed to wisdom. This is because a meditation practitioner practices with the mind, and whittles away the habits of suffering.

For many generations the practice adopted and inherited by Chinese and Indian culture is the practice of awareness. Awareness of intent in our actions, of others actions, of where we’ve been before, and what we’ve done. A gentle reminder of a mantra-like phrase “I’ve been here before,” and then the flood of memories which follows and shows the correlation of the present, and past and what occurs because of the decision to proceed.

The act of familiarization by practicing in this way (with sitting meditation, mantra reminders, and mindfulness pauses), is like any discipline. The difference is that the practice of the many meditation techniques learned through study are for peace. Peace is the cessation of suffering. In other words, when ones practice is deepened not through ego but through humility and rationality, the mind is one of deep compassion for oneself and for others. This is not in the conceptual sense but a felt sense of inherent compassion in the body.

As a rudimentary practitioner, musician, author, and business owner, these techniques I use to prepare for the many failures, successes, and intra/interpersonal conflicts in my life. I believe they can help anyone balance their serotonin levels, and build concrete rational, realistic open mindedness for life in a North American multi-cultural society.

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The Escartment

Wilting seasonal scales of fear,

A provocative loosening of security,

I’m afraid of normalcy,

I do not want what is,

I’ve seen this landscape before,

Sometimes comforting but this week I’m nauseous,

I look to others for inspiration,

I find much the same verse as what I intend to relate,

And my chin sinks to my chest,

My eyes close,

Many thoughts of previous ignorance arise,

A wet substance runs the contours of my face,

And I think maybe this culture is a spoiled group,

I think this spoiled group is losing its spoils,

And I see this week as one spent alone,

Although there are people of beauty surrounding,

I am closed off to their joy

Because I want more than what I have,

But I have what I need.

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Winter Is Still Here

Is still, is cold where I live,

Is an unpredictable storm to endure,

It pushes me inside myself,

It brings extra tension where I’m from,

But it triggers mental toughness although obscure,

And it introduces spring scents sensing cure,

For the warming muddy earth I call my home,

For the storming season is a blurry hum,

For relief is desired from,

This winter that arises, and ceases,

Pronouncing our weaknesses,

But gives insight,

Awareness that teaches of turning tolerance into patience.

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April 29, 2017

Recording for the first time in months, I new after my fourth visit to Fiercemule Studios much would be achieved. The album will be my best yet! For it to be so, I will have to switch into a higher gear, and I did so by buying a new Godin hollow body Acoustic/electric. Dialling into more detail, the parts are proving to be harder than when I created them. More practice is necessary to  start capitalizing on the four hour recording sessions. The next session is June 17, 2017. May I be more focused in the meantime.

As the days pass, in retrospect I wasn’t prepared. I listened to Martin Short talk about how important it is to rehearse. It is becoming more apparent as I age. I work to be less punky, and more practiced. Recording is as difficult as performing live.

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Dusk Dawn

All the days of constant unchanging, I endure without questioning until this one. The days were much the same, and aimed at  responsibility, a will to provide for my son. But I look at it all and mourn for my soul, in pity the lost spirit of responsibility. It was in the days of ego, and grandeur that I loved myself heavily. I believed I couldn’t fail until this day. I’m questioning my age, and my will to see the continents of this earth to bread stories without comparison.

I dreamt I was a writer, a minstrel, and loving man. One who all could see without illusion I was good, but until this evening I cannot deny, courage is but a fraction of its usual stance. Courage, and passion are regressing into ape hood. I look through the centre of my being to find an aching entity.

Where are the symptoms of purpose which brought me to stay alive? Where are the signs of miniscule progression I created this plan to become the man I dreamt to be?

My values are fading, and my purpose changing. I feel less. Especially with the goals I’ve beset. I need a taste of sugar, maybe a touch of pleasure, maybe a sight of unmistakable beauty. ‘I’ in this context is the self who dreamt, but I lie here before the sleep I must partake and question if I am to dream much longer.

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Music Composition

If music is a reflection of the artists experience, is life on an minute basis based on one subject?

There are many subjects that intermix with emotion every day. In that sense the human isn’t naturally a one subject at a time being.

A song can have multiple subjects intermixed, maybe even considered mini-dialogues, and or small reflections of many moments, triggers, feelings, messiness which best depicts the human experience.

Is this format too difficult for the listener?

It’s up to the listener to decide the level of openmindedness they wish to exercise. If the artist wishes to exhibit a multi-topic piece it must be broken down into parts like any machine. A song with it’s parts can be accepted as confusing if confusion is the emotion, or even state the writer is in.

Is confusion un-relatable?

Confusion is only there if communication isn’t clear. A song is in itself an invention, but it does need to communicate musically, and lyrically a purpose. If the purpose is to have no purpose than the listener can open or close their view, and stop the song. But how could the opening of their view change the process of human evolution and thinking?

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What Change Triggers

Tranquil Winter Scene

If you look historically at the causation of seemingly minute experiences, you will find the compounding of each leads to illusive and shocking change.  Generally change triggers emotional fear disrupting our routines, and we become primed. Once primed the steam filled humidity of our perspective shifts, and we see red where blue is clearly apparent to the people we encounter in our lives. Loved ones and co-workers will undoubtedly notice your sharpness, and even more so they will react as the compounding of seemingly minute experiences begin to overflow. The plasmic and contagious emotional running of core substance is our own paradigm of change. It is the impermanence of routines that only become amplified by attachment to these routines.

In recent weeks many of my family members have begun their natural cycles of overflow, and they will have to accept the change which will come. As important as their lives are I must focus on my role. I must ease the suffering of the volcanic reshaping of our personalities because of our small and previously large traumas.  I must adapt. I must allow my natural recourse to flow out in whichever form (a few frustrating tears and or a moment of understanding). Some self pity will arise and also past reflection will interrelate the child trauma in me to the present trauma of my adult self. Yes I feel the jabs of my families pain. Sometimes I feel the punches of the world. But how should I transpire?

In moments of great unrest we are challenged to change with our micro-societies and evolve.

I must evolve as the turning of the times is too much a feeling of tightness in the gut which I call intuition, but what is it saying? This feeling tells me to flee or fight, yell or walk away in tears. It tells me to share my love or blast someone with abuse, and I make my choice with the black and white it has always provided. So where is the evolution in this feeling? It’s outside the feeling, and inside the observation of the feeling. Instead of being in the war, we can be aware and watch it as a compassionate parent does, and the evolution of humanity ensues. We become more and more of what we trust in our lives. We trust honesty, and honestly we know fighting has never solely solved any human beings problems.

In history we see such unrest in every era. We glorify the wars of our ancestors as a neccessary measure in fear of our loss of power. The loss of power which leads to loss of safety. I think many of us need to have one last war, which is the true war of peace, which is to allow the powerful to have power, and the compassionate to die for evolution. We can fight as Mohammad Gandhi did, with passivity, patience, and compassion. We can continue to teach the human children of earth the wisdom of observation. In it is the acceptance of change. That the people coming into Canada are much like our ancestors who  fled the unrest of powerful empires.

We are existing in the underlying truth that we want comfort not suffering. We want honesty, and a place to continue our ant hill of human societies. As a person who struggles with self-worth, and illusions of grandeur, I have such a fear of change that I notice it everyday. In recent weeks I’ve noticed such causation from the minute experiences I overlook. They are compounding over and over, and eventually will spill out like lava, and they have. I am sorry. But with the tools we used 185,000 years ago to open coconuts, we can crack open our hearts to accept inherent change because of the mind sciences. Change iscoming, and it will appear different than the last time it came. But it’s still too similar to deny, it is what change triggers. Change triggers unrest, but acceptance of change triggers peace.

I like to use the image of death. Someone is about to take from me the breathe I am entitled. They point their weapon at the highest probable centre to end my bodily functioning. I have an opportunity here in the moment before I die. I can notice the universe unraveling in the Big Bang of the gun, and the numbness of death coming over me like the shiver of heat that I once felt in a cafe where I spent some of my shortened days. But this is much more surreal. I cannot analyze or deduce the immeasurable emotion of the ending of consciousness.  I can see hate will not save me from the one life I have fading like the end of a song. In this case it is the world I was born. I no longer see the person pulling the trigger. I see the persons suffering which led to this. I see the world in which the person can be led to this. I see the world in which I was led to this, and in it is the acceptance that what is is not anymore. This is the ultimate acceptance of inherent change; the Buddhist noble truth which states ‘what is subject to arising is subject to ceasing’. I am that which is subject to arise, and now I am ceasing. I fade finally seeing in this never ending experience how much every decision I’ve made led me here. It’s not that I wouldnt have led myself to a another murderer or into different war to be shot, but I realize the suffering I’ve caused with each decision I’ve sent out through the wave of cause and effect the world of suffering. I was a perpetuating cause of this as is everyone. But I see that I didn’t have to be, and now I won’t be, as I fade into nothingness.

It is a profound image to focus on ones own death. But it is essential for the understanding of our effect in the world. As we individually decide to observe rather than partake we evolve. Because there is no other way to evolve other than to a more peaceful world, the opposite being what it was and still is, a world of irrational power struggles and devaluing of sentient life.