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Fox News

I look to those who speak to me through static to tell me who it is that I am. I share with my family, my friends, my blood. They respond with fury, confusion, and haste. We are forever threaded together like knitted sweaters protecting living leather. Fox news is our source for power, provisions, labels, truth.

I look to Jesus to complete my being for fear is too strong an emotion to ignore. I must look for Jesus on the television, but all I find is fake foxes fielding their prey. In the open my mind is, and wishes to expand. I am afraid to create the personal views of jargon for my friends, family, and blood. Love is not easily shared and I desire to impress. I sit upon my dead leather couch to feel connected to world seen through the eyes of my country.

In fragments of speech and in fragments of receiving speech I know who I’ve become, I’ve become a democrat diplomat. I’ve become the opposite of openness. Closed off from the world because of conditioning by providence it is a sweet truth to tell lies to open ears for safety. To say I have safety tells me I am the fox and the news is my weapon. Fox news is my source for information on artificial creation.

But who will we be when the future isn’t aligning with Fox news, with CNN, with CBC, with Global news? Will I be the fox or will I be the prey as I always was, as I always will be, deceived into the field to be fed to the foxes pups. I am the rabbit, just like rabbit ears used to allow me to hear and see the CBC, the BBC, the broadcasts of Fox news coming from the edge of the forests. To all vectors of the earths parameters, this seemingly flat earth is not as flat as I’ve thought till today. It has depth, deeper than the writers, and talking heads of the tube.

It is I who knows little because of where I sit, motionless upon a dead leather love seat in living leather skin, unable to use my debt to travel to see the truth. If I were as ambitious as the cast of Fox news, I may explore as my ancestors and settle on personal facts instead of taught propogandic fiction, which lead me no where but to hate my fellow friends, family, and blood, deeply woven into my lines of nature seen in the texture of my hands, in the pulses of my heart, in the shame of my gut.


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What Do People Do?

What do people do as they search their being for rhythmic association?

What do people do when they cannot find the answer to a question that makes little sense?

What do people do when they begin racing for the finish but must endure the thrill?

What do people do when they shake with bodily tears and look into the nothingness of death?

What do people do when they awake from being awake and discover it was better asleep in anger, in art, and in arguments fighting for your beliefs?

What do people do as their dreams fortell of their futures?

What people do is imitate as much as possible to fit with the fortunate and pray for fortune.

What people do is read as much of human writing as possible to find and formulate their own world version of a loose handed down truth which they will hand down to their children as fact.

What people do is their minds slow to so significant a steady stream of conscience that they brace for the thrill, and accept their imminent fatal failure.

What people do as they quake in the shared experience of dimming out like an elder star is feel their body as they could have throughout their lives and say “this is living as I die!”‘

What people do is they drink deep into bottles, and smoke as far down a spliff as can be smoked to pull from it the feeling of being lost, because it was all they had which brought depth to their thinking as they pasted paint upon a page or words upon a canvas.

What people do when they awake to the future in their dreams is try to lie and say it was not the future which they dreampt, but it was, and they could have spent years living one with the surreal unconscious oracle that is the inner self.




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Schizophrenia and Psychosis

Schizophrenia and Psychosis are two severe mental illnesses.

Schizophrenia Definition: When a person no longer sees reality the way it is. A schizophrenic hears voices and sees things that are not there. Someone with this mental illness loses reality, and becomes anti-social.

Psychosis Definition: A psychotic person acts aggressively with out remorse or shame.  Begins to see and think in delusions, hallucinations, and thinks in strange unrelatable  thought patterns.

These two illnesses are very similar, and one could almost say they are the same illness accept if you were a psychologist you would know that schizophrenia and psychosis have an outlying difference. A schizophrenic person does not completely lose logic. Where as a psychopath will use logic to benefit themselves when they see fit, even if its at the expense of another person or animals health and in some cases life.

Elyn Saks- Associate Dean and Orrin B. Evans Professor of Law, Psychology, and Psychiatry and the Behavioral Sciences at the University of Southern California Gould Law School.

I witnessed a TED talk of a woman with schizophrenia who struggled severely from this mental illness, and aimed direly at mental health. When she would attempt to live without pharmaceutical medication reality became different. As the speaker in this video titled ‘A tale of mental illness’, Elyn Saks tells a tale of tragedy which leads to perseverance and success. In the video she explains her journey. Elyn explains how she was in university, and had to work with questionable voices and hallucinations. She describes them as paralyzing, and maddening. She goes on to describe the severity of her condition, and finally she concludes its possible to function, and achieve as she has done.

Paul Bernardo

In contrast to the tale of Elyn Saks is the complicated insane case of Paul Bernardo. A true psychopath Mr. Bernardo was booked for raping 11 young woman after stalking them from bus stops in the metropolis of Toronto. He was also convicted of murdering two women. In this video with ‘Bernardo’ we can clearly see his manipulative motives to persuade the officers with a chillingly compelling strategy. You cannot tell he is psychopathic. He is social, and appears normal. Its common for psychopaths to appear social when it is necessary and a psychopath in prison is a psychopath always in need of being social. But it is common for psychopaths to be anti-social guiltless shameless humans.

It is possible to have both schizophrenia and psychosis simultaneously, but its recommended you don’t! Many psychologists struggle to highlight the causes for the two conditions. Interestingly enough, common in psychopaths, as it is in schizophrenia, is their experience with mental, physical, and sexual abuse from parents, relatives, and close family friends. It appears that psychosis is directly related and developed from repeated abuse of any kind in early child-hood development, but schizophrenia can be genetically triggered. “in Western uran society, the socialization of children is entrusted largely just to the parents, often to just a single parent, and if the parents are overburdened or incompetent or unsocialized themselves then even a child of average temperament may grow up with the antisocial tendencies of a psychopath. I use the term “sociopath” to refer to persons whose unsocialized character is due primarily to parental failures rather than to inherent peculiarities of temperament. On the other hand, the psychopath is almost certain to be a bad parent and the child who receives from a parent both an unsocialized environment and a hard-to-socialize temperament is doubly handicapped. ( Page 7 Handbook of Psychopathy).”

With these comparisons, we can conclude the two illnesses are far too different and they range in causes. It can be understood that people with schizophrenia and psychosis can live a functional life. Success relies on frequenting a doctor for schizophrenic and psychopathic medicine and mentoring.





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Duet 2 Apogee Review

As an amateur recording artist, I took my musically experimental inclinations to the Duet 2. On my album The Eventual Transgressor I solely used this device and it produced high quality sound waves. The issue is what I can do with those sound waves from an engineering standpoint. But that is a side topic.

What I am doing here today for this review of the Apogee Duet 2 is provide you with insight into its functionality. What can this product do for your studio? It can rock! Can it give me error free recording? I noticed after a couple hours of use the device would heat up and go awol until it cooled down, so that may be an indicator the company used cheap metals and bad solder. This may be because I am an obsessive creator when I’m at it as indicated in my article titled Depression and Obsession.

Other than the over-heating factor I found the mic preamp’s were unparalleled in my recording experience. I couldn’t hear a hum to any degree. It was blissful. The tracks were so raw I believe I could with sound engineering knowledge make a professional album. My concern is not with professionalism though, but with expressing my ideas. Accomplishing this by fiddling with my fiddle, my guitars, and my drum machine the recordings were produced. Regardless of their professional end product or the song writing value the Apogee Duet 2 was a Ken in Barby land, and Obi Wan in the Star Wars universe. It was a Hitler in Tyrannical rule. It was a…okay it was the finest product I’ve tried out of the U.S.A.

Would I buy this product again? I would and I did when I downgraded to the Apogee One on an interim cheapskate recording binge. I needed an outlet, and with my big white Macbook from the early new millenia I’ve done my best with the Apogee lower end products and dreamt of a rig I manifest destined myself to have, which includes the Apple Tower with 16 GB of Ram, an Apogee Symphony I/O, and an expensive full toned ribbon mic of choice that I wouldn’t want you to know I have, because I’d be paranoid you would steal it from me in the night.

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Depression and Obsession

Mental Health Depression

Mental Health: Depression

Depression Definition:

Depression is a mood disorder. Clinically diagnosed patients will experience negative emotional, behavioral, and physical symptoms. The suffering it causes upon the individual and the individuals family and friends are extreme. Please consult a doctor if you are showing signs of depression lasting longer than two weeks. The serious habitual damage it causes on the psyche deepens over time.

Symptoms of Depression:

Self hate leading to suicidal thoughts, excessive fatigue, lack of motivation, disinterest in physical and social activities, hopelessness, anger and anxiety etc.

Obsession Definition:

Fixation on a subject or an object.

Symptoms of Obsession

Repetitive uncontrollable thoughts, fixation on an idea, person, or object.

A common mental health disorder associated with obsession is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

Depression and Obsession:

As I’ve recovered from manic, and seasonal depression, I’ve noticed the correlation of depression and obsession. Purely speculative and based on personal experience when I have given up on my obsessions I enter a state of depression.

My Obsessions:

I am highly attached and obsessed with health and wellness. Health to me is attributed to creative productivity, balanced interpersonal socialization, activity, and quality positive and neutral perspectives on situations and people (I am not saying I need to like everything people do or say, but an appropriate perspective is important).

When health and wellness is not fulfilled my equilibrium is distorted. If my equilibrium is distorted for enough time it becomes a mental health issue. It develops into habitual (behavioral) depression, in other words a form of habit obsession. Obsessing over the negative thoughts which lead to the symptoms listed above under Depression Symptoms.

My Depression:

Although it isn’t accurate to take ownership of the mental illness under discussion as the title indicates, for purpose of explanation it is ‘my depression’, and it is conducted as follows:

Socialization is a key disinterest when I am in this state. I’d rather sit and dwell on the negative graspable content passing by my conscience. I begin to see people under a microscope. As if I can predict their conversation topics and what they will say and conclude it pointless to take part. An angry reaction will up rise, and I will end up offending someone. Socializing is an important key to health, and acceptance of others contributions to a conversation is also important.

Physical Activity when in this state is not prioritized. It is all together not forgotten, but if I were to be physically active depression would have trouble developing.

Crappy Perspectives begin to develop in unison with the depressive symptoms. Lack of motivation ensues, and it is justified because in a depressive state you are not good enough and in my particular depression and obsession I am too good for this world. The paradox downward spirals until I am completely not good enough because at some point in the spiraling I realize the ego behind my thoughts.

With careful analysis of my symptoms and counseling there is no permanent cure for mental illness, but I’ve found ways of working with it. One is by realizing that habit leads to success or failure, and that obsessions lead to disappointment which lead to negative habits of depression. With positive mental habit training like used by meditation practitioners, one can work with any mental illness. It is hard work, but as I paraphrase Jack Kornfield “Mindfulness meditation is not an act of labor, but an act of love.”